


I am who I am

by Squall95



Category: SKAM (Italy)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming Out, Homophobia, M/M, Post season 2 ep 5, The Boy Squad being there for Marti, Title may change when i come up with something better, bullying maybe?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-20 14:55:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18527359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squall95/pseuds/Squall95
Summary: A canon divergence after the end of season 2 episode 5 where a chance encounter with a mystery man after the disastrous party makes Martino ready to face the truth about himself.





	1. After The Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Love Skam Italia and I wanted to do something special with it and this idea has been nagging at me for a month. For those who have been reading another of my story ‘When live's collide” and are waiting for my one shots consider this a standalone idea and it won’t affect what will happen in my onshots. I have begun writing both the start of the one shot and the latest chapter so loom forward to it and I will update whenever I can.

Martino took deep breaths as he leaned his back on the wall recalling the events that lead to his separation of his friends.  _I’m the biggest idiot to think he could fall for me_ he thought as his mind drifted to Niccolo kissing Maddalena. A range of emotions came flooding when he relieved that moment but it was his actions to his friends that he felt more ashamed of as he thought about it.

 

 

 

All those things he said to Gio was rude and completely uncalled for and yet he couldn’t stop himself. It then grew worse as Elia stepped in to make an offshoot comment about his family and Martino could feel anger and see red before launching himself at Elia leading to a fight that hurt Gio, his best friend.  _Though not anymore_ he thought as his back gave in as he slid on the floor and sat on the hard concrete rubbish al around him. This was what his decisions have lead I’m to being alone and surrounded by trash and he could only quietly sob. 

 

Martino was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn’t noticed someone approached him before he was squatting down in front of him. He looked at the figure in expecting to be one of his friends or worse Niccolo only to see a complete stranger. The night and lack of light prevented him from seeing much of his face but he could tell two things about him. The first was he had blond hair. The second was that he was a foreigner and looked 2-3 years older. 

“You okay?” He asked with worry in his voice. 

“I’m fine thanks” Martino replied in a weak voice that contradicted his statement.

“Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?”. Martino wasn’t in the mood for a chat with a complete stranger he didn’t know and he definitely didn’t want to talk about what happened. 

“No offence but I don’t know you well enough to talk to you” his voice was a lot more colder and harsher than he wanted it to be but he couldn’t help but feel it. The man in front of him just smiled (at least Martino thinks he’s smiling) before talking.

“Maybe it’s because you don’t know me that you can talk to me. I promise you I won’t judge you for what you say.” Martino thought about it for a minute. The man had a point in regards to confiding in a stranger he will never see again after tonight and agreed. 

“I feel like my life is falling apart” 

“In what way?” 

 

So Martino told him everything that happened started with his crush on his best friend to playing a part in destroying his relationship his girlfriend, to meeting Niccolo and falling for him, missing his friend’s birthday party while he was with Niccolo, up to seeing Niccolo kissing his supposed ex-girlfriend and getting into a fight with his friends. All the while the man sat with him listening intently and nodding at a few points. 

“And here I am. An awful friend and an idiot for falling in love with someone who didn’t care for me” Martino looked up expecting to see judgemental looks on the man but instead he saw sympathy and understanding almost like he been through what Martino is going through now. 

“Look I know it doesn’t feel like it but it does get better in time. Trust me I understand completely” He said as he put his hand on Martino’s shoulder.

“How? I destroyed every nice thing around me and for what, for a guy who doesn’t give a damn about me.” Martino was serious in asking the questions 

“You start by making amends. Have you ever thought about telling your friends about what is happening with you.” Martino immediately shakes his head. 

“No, no they wouldn’t understand” the fear in his voice was evident and he slowly curled his legs up. The man saw this and let out a deep sighed before turning back to him. 

“Listen may I be blunt with you?” Martino looked at him and seeing he needed an honest opinion nodded. 

 

“Right now what is controlling you is the fear of the unknown. You are afraid of your friend’s reaction if you tell them about who you like and afraid they will reject you for it. Because of this fear you are hurting both yourself and them when the solution can be provided easy and yet difficult. Tell them the truth.” He said with nothing but concern in his voice. 

“But what if they reject me?” He said and he couldn’t but imagine that scenario and it frightened him more. 

“First of all if they are your friends they will understand and accept you for who you are and will willingly embrace you and be there whenever you need them. If they do chose to reject you than you will learn two things. The first is that they are not true friends because true friends stick by each other and support one another in times of need and the second you will lose the fear of not knowing and this will make you braver in the future.” Martino could only nod and agree to his statement. “Besides if your friends are anything like my friends I think they will be more supportive than you might think.” 

 

Martino looked at the man strangely. _Was he?_  He never got a chance to speak as the man stood abruptly while stretching his legs. 

“Do you need a ride back to your place?” He asked looking down at Martino. 

“No thanks I can get back home by myself. But thank you for everything.” Martino replied as he got up and ready to go back home. The man nodded was about to leave before stopping and turning back at him. 

“Listen in regards to the boy that you kissed in my experience there always seems to be more to the story than you can see. When you are ready talk to him and find out what happened and hear his side of the story” Martino scoffed at the idea. 

“What could he tell me me that will justify his actions?” Replied with a scornful voice.

“You would be surprise what people would do and the reasons they do it” He said with a knowing look. “Also I want to tell you something a good friend of mine told me when I was being dramatic at school and she was being annoyed ‘If you’re going through hell keep going’” Martino took in those words. Certainly he was experiencing hell right now and now he would have to keep going. 

 

As the man was about to leave Martino spoke.

“Listen thanks for everything really but I gotta know something.” The man looked back Martino. “Why are you helping me?” It was an honest questions one that was on the back of his mind but needed an answer. The man simply smiled at his question before responding.

“Because about 3 years ago I was in your position and though it took me a while for everything to sort itself out I can’t help but wished it sorted out earlier.” The man said as he left. 

 

Martino stood there as he digest the information and advice the man had given him. _Be honest with your friends._ Martino knew that if he followed through with his advice he would have no choice but to go through with it. As he debated what to do he started his trek back home before a thought occured to him. _I never did learn his name._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how was the end of the chapter. I’m sure you all have your theories about who was the mysterious person that was helping it and I’ll admit I have clear person in mind. I for one absolutely love Martino and Niccolo’s relationship and hope to see more. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and feel free to leave a comment to tell me how you feel about it. 
> 
> Till next time.


	2. Decisions and Reasons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Martino debates about going through telling his friends, his friends have decided to speak with the girl squad in hopes of discovering what is happening to their friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter in a sceond day in a row wow. For some reasons I’ m very interested in finishing this story but it will take me a while with many chapters. nayway here is the latest and hope you enjoy.

Martino laid on the bed staring at the ceiling the morning after the party deep in thought about what to do about his friends. He couldn’t sleep at all and end staying all night thinking about whether or not he should tell his friends the truth about everything. He looked at the time and saw that it just past 12 when his mother came in with a tired look on her face which made him promptly get up to face her.

“Martino I have to go visit your aunt this weekend. Would you be okay staying here by yourself for the weekend?” She asked. Martino noticed her clothing as more suited for an outdoor trip and saw a small bag with her that she uses when she has to travel.   
“Of course mama I’ll hang out with Gio, don’t worry” She let out a sigh of relief as Marti got up to hug her “Be careful,” he said in a tender voice as he slowly let go.   
“You too,” she said before looking at his eyes and smiling. Martino then helps see her off and was completely alone in the apartment.

Once again his thoughts turned back to the night before with the stranger’s advice echoing in his head. I think they will be more supportive than you might think was something he continued to hear and dared hope that it may be true. Martino went on his computer and browsed his old photos of him and his friends as he continued to remember his words.

So many good times he had with his friends, so many fond memories like meeting Gio in kindergarten and Elia in middle school than Luca just a few months ago. He couldn’t help but smile at all the memories he had of them and yet also very sad that while his friends were honest mostly about themselves he had kept monumental hidden from there in fear of how they would react. He hated that fear to the point where can’t even say the two words that define a central part of who he is afraid of how they will react.

Fear of the unknown was what the stranger said describing Martino’s reasoning about why he hadn’t told his friends the truth. And it was true, Martino had no idea how they would react and this scared him. He would come up with different scenarios where one his friends are really supportive of him to the point where they will question why they let someone like Martino be their friend just for liking guys. This fear was what was controlling Martino and the stranger called it out correctly and Martino had no rebuttal.

He once again looked at the photos and saw a picture of him, Gio, Elia, and Luca just having fun somewhere. He thought long and hard what he had to do and knew that to start was to make amends with his friends and that would come by telling them everything. He had googled coming out stories last night while he tried to sleep and realise that everyone in those stories was scared but they took a chance and exposed themselves out to the world. He even thought about Filippo and how his coming out was and occurred to him, how much he struggled as well but decided to take a chance.

Take a chance Martino thought and as he looked at the picture one more time he decided to take a chance. He grabbed his phone and opened his group chat. Unsurprisingly he saw no post Probably have their own private chat to talk about what an asshole I am. He composed a series of messages but defeated them until he came up with one final message. His finger hovered over the send icon as he thought about it one last time. Once I do this there is no turning back I have to tell them everything. He took a deep breath before pressing the send icon.

* * * *

Gio, Elia and Luca were sitting in a cafe and in front of them was Eva, Silvia, Sana, and Federica with the remnants of their food on the table. Gio had called Eva if he could speak to the girls to discuss Martino’s recent behaviour and to find out what is going on with him. Initially, Elia had been rather reluctant to do this as he still views Martino’s action as an asshole but agreed seeing he too wanted to know why with Luca joining him. When Gio made the suggestion of calling the Eva to call the girls they had asked why and he stated that Martino’s behaviour started to change around the time he joined them and believe that they may have an insight into what’s going on. Elia commented to Gio that wouldn’t be uncomfortable for him calling his ex-girlfriend and Gio agreed, however, he countered with For Martino, I would do anything if it can help him. And here they are sitting at a table finishing recounting what transpired last night.

“And then he just left us there. And we just stood and watched” Gio finished as he drank the last of his coffee. The girls were shocked to hear about this Eva more so, they never thought Martino would be capable of this.   
“Okay, but what do you expect from us?” Sana asked   
“Martino’s behaviour starting changing around the time he joined you.” He replied the girls began narrowing their eyes at him.   
“If you think we are to blame for Martino’s change you are..” Silvia never got a chance to continue as Gio talked over her.  
“No, no, no we’re not blaming you we just wanted to know if you know why he joined the radio club or if you noticed any changes in him” Gio again replied.   
“How do you know he didn’t want to do radio in the first place” Silvia replied. Gio gave her a look that said I’m his best friend, probably the guy who knows him better than anyone here do you think I wouldn’t notice his love for radio if he had one. The girls got the message clearly.

Sana seeing no alternative to the discussion decided to speak up.  
“Look I don’t know about why Martino’s behaviour changing but I do know why he joined the club.” She could feel everyone’s eyes on her before continuing. “The reason is that I kind of blackmailed him into it.” Everyone’s eyes widen. The girl’s eye widened as they looked at each other while the boys had an incredulous look. Luca had decided to speak up for the first time since being here.   
“Blackmailed him with what?” Sana continued.   
“The night of Fede’s birthday party when the police came Martino had hid your weed on the roof. However, I saw him and realising what could happen if the police found it, took it and hid it. I then used it as blackmail to get him to join the club.” The boys were in disbelief and the girls and face had a mixture of surprise and awe in Sana’s action.   
“Do you still have it?” Elia asked causing Sana to narrow her eyes at him.   
“Of course I still have it.” Elia continued with his conversation.  
“But why? Martino did what you asked so why do you still have it?”   
“For two reasons the first was for Martino to remain with radio. I mean we could only agree that it retrieves it his attendance would be low if barely. And the second was he didn’t completely do what I had asked him to do.” The girls looked at her with amazement.   
“What did you ask him to do exactly?” Gio said having regained his composure.   
“The deal was that he and you all join the club, but clearly you all had other plans”. Gio remembered the text messages he got from Martino that day about being there. He could only groan as everything fell into place except one thing.   
“Why didn’t he tell us?” He said looking at Elia and Luca sitting on his left and right. Before they could answer it was Eva who answered.   
“He was probably scared of how you would react if he told you the truth.” Gio looked at Eva and noticed that she has been fairly silent during the conversation, only inputting comments when needed. Did she know something?

“So that answers the question about why he joined but it doesn’t explain his recent behaviour,” Elia said as he stretched his arms. Eva decided to speak up.   
“Gio have you noticed anything weird at all before his recent change,” Gio thought about it and there were a few things like him sleeping on the floor when he stayed at his place the morning after Fede’s party but nothing that connects to it. He shakes his head and again silence fell on the group. Sana than began talking again.   
“If we’re still talking about Marti’s behaviour there is one thing I think you should know”. The group looked at her again. “Last week Martino and had kind of had an argument about my religion and homosexuality and theory of evolution”. Gio notice Eva stiffened at the end of her statement. Sana explained the brief argument they had and nearly everyone dismissed it. Gio couldn’t but help feel like it was important to understand Marti and slowly a picture began to form around in his head.

It was then the boy’s noticed their phones going off signalling a message had been received but both Gio and Elia wasn’t in the mood to look while Luca did.   
“Guys you better check your phones”. Luca said with a shocked voice. Both Gio and Elia looked at their phones and there was a new message from Martino. It said

My place   
8:30   
I’ll tell you everything

Finally, Gio thought Martino is ready to open up. The boys showed the text message to the girls and this caused Eva to speak up.   
“You all need to meet with him tonight”. Gio looked at her and saw it. She did know something.   
“Eva, you know something don’t you”. This wasn’t a question it was fact and everyone looked at her as she nodded.   
“If this is what I think it is then Martino has to be the one who tells you not me. He’ll need you to be there for him”. Eva said with kindness and conviction and Gio knew it would be pointless to argue. He would have to wait for tonight.

* * * *

The boys were gathered in front of Martino’s door as they knocked it expecting him to open it. Instead, they heard his voice.   
“It’s open”. The boys entered the apartment and locked the door behind them as they entered. They saw Martino on the couch looking at them and gestured at them to sit down which they did. They waited for for a minute before Marti let out a shaky breath and began talking.

“It all started...”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok well that was a cliffhanger to end the the second chapter. one thing I need to say is that the next chapter will focus solely on Martino as he begins to recount his experince and the chapter after that will focus on the boy squad’s reaction when hearing parts of his story so look forward to it. Feel free to leave a comment and I hope to get back to you all. 
> 
> Happy Easter. Until next time.


	3. Martino’s truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the group gather, Martino begins to tell his story to his friends the truth about everything. And about himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys sorry for the long wait I’m currently writing the next chapter of Lives Collide but it’s taking some time. Maartino’s story wil be divided into two chapters with teh first forcing solely on Marti’s POV while the second will focus on mainly Gio’s POV but occasionally the other guys as well. In addition you don’t have to wait since they will be uploaded back to back so enjoy.

Martino was looking at his fingers which were fidgeting from anxiety as he waited for Gio, Elia and Luca to show up in his home. He had unlocked the door as he was unprepared to face them and even though he knew he had to talk he didn’t know what to say or when to begin. He had turned most of the lights off but kept some on so he wouldn’t be alone in the dark and started taking deep breaths.

After what felt like an eternity and too quick he heard the knocking on the doors signalling that his friends had arrived. “It’s open” he shouted and he could hear them opening the door before sensing them in the room as they began taking seats on his couch waiting for him to talk. Marti kept his eyes on his hands and never once faced them. He couldn’t do it now or when he was talking so instead he focused on his hands. Martino took a few breaths before mustering up his courage to confess everything now or never and with that, he began to open his mouth.

“It all started a few years ago” Marti knew that to explain his current attitude he would have to start where it all began for him. When he began to notice he was different from everyone else.

“Back when we were kids we were told that as we grow up we would start to be attracted to the opposite sex. And it was true for you all but for me it was different. You guys started talking about girls about their looks and features but by then I still felt nothing for them like the way you do. I thought that maybe I would have to meet the right girl to be attracted to or worse I was a late bloomer. But as time passed nothing changed”. Marti couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony of it all waiting for a change in him that had come but not in the way he expected. He took a deep breath knowing that his next sentences will suggest who is really attracted to.

“It was also around that time that I began to notice I was different when looking at-“ he stopped as he let out a shaky breath, his hands fidgeting more intense than before. He musters up his courage to continue “When I was looking at guys.” He let the sentence stay in the air for a few seconds before continuing. “At first it was little things like their looks or muscles but as time passed I began noticing more ‘delicate’ things. I was so scared that I came up with the belief that it was normal that guys would compare themselves with other guys to see how they measure up.” He still remembers that fear in him. He still has it but now understands why it happens.

“With this belief, I convinced myself that I was normal and that everything as just fine. But then Gio started dating and that’s when I knew things were different”. He thought about when Gio started dating the sudden emergence of emotion he knew but wonder why did it appear then. “When you started dating Laura and then Eva I felt this sense of jealousy towards them. I remember thinking how he would look at them and once in a while I would have this thought in my head thinking-“. He stopped again as shame washed over him as he closed his eyes before continuing “I wished that he would look at me the same way”.

Martino opened his eyes again to his hands as tears began welling up eyes as he let out a shaky breath. Fear could be practically written on his face as he continued.  
“I had tried to keep these feelings buried deep within me and pretend it wasn’t real but it didn’t stop. And as a result I did things, things I’m deeply ashamed of”. He remembered what he did to Eva how she called him a psychopath for deceiving her and couldn’t help but agree.

“And that was it for a while my feelings hadn’t changed and I tried to distance myself in the hopes my feelings would go away, yet I couldn’t let go of you completely. You were one of the few good things I had in my life around that time so, instead, I repressed them and acted like nothing was wrong.” He took a deep breath and continued his story to the fateful party. Everything that’s happening now started at that party.

“Then Fede’s birthday party happen and everything changed. I told you all I left the weed at the roof. Actually planted would be a more accurate term as I was scared of what would happen if the police caught us so I hid it there. However, Sana had seen me and took it”. Thinking back on it now if he had a choice between losing it and facing his friends rather than meeting Niccolo and going through all of this he would choose the former. “Sana used it as blackmail to get me to join her stupid radio club and I couldn’t risk you guys learning the truth otherwise you would be angry with me”. He took a deep breath as he talked about that fateful day.

“It was then on the first meeting that I met him. Niccolo Fares”. Just saying the name gives him mixed emotions as he still hasn’t processed what happened last night.   
“Back then I felt this attraction to him which was a lot stronger than my feelings for Gio to the point I tried searching him up on the internet. The only thing I found on him was a video of him playing the piano and nothing else”. He remembered the desire to know him to learn about him. His likes and dislikes, his favourite food, animal and other things. “It was around that time that I met Filippo Eleonora’s brother who happened to be gay. After a drank little too much at Luca’s and was heading back home I stumbled on what he called gay street and he gave me his contact info if I ever needed help.”

“The day of Emma’s party I had gotten on the bus texting Sana that I was headed to her place only to receive a text saying she wasn’t home. Then Niccolo appeared and I told him that Sana was holding the weed hostage.” He had always wondered that maybe the universe was giving him a chance to find love. But now realised it was just a sick joke for it to mess with his life. “I had asked him if he had some weed I could borrow and we went to his place to get some before offering me some. As we sat there we began talking and I was learning all these things about him before you guys texted me. I knew I was being selfish and I can’t explain it, but it was like I was being given this golden opportunity to know him and I couldn’t waste it so I didn’t reply”. Marti felt like such a fool thinking Niccolo could ever fall for him. “As night came Niccolo revealed he had a girlfriend and friends he was supposed to meet and we ended the night there. When I saw him with his girlfriend I realise that once again my feelings were only one-sided and kept them to myself.”

“Anyhow you guys were mad at me for what happened and of course I lied about it saying I was with my mum. You guys still punished me for it but I knew I had it coming for lying to you all and I had resolved my self to date, Emma, because she was nice and seemed into me. During that week I did a sexuality test which said I was heterosexual and tried to pretend during the whole volleyball game. But then Niccolo had appeared and exposed my lies with the earbuds.” He remembered feeling scared at how they would react when learning the truth and ask questions he wasn’t prepared to answer. “Next was the night of the radio karaoke party and the things I knew about Niccolo began to change. Niccolo had arrived with his girlfriend and I came with Emma and we hanged out together during the party. Anyway, during one song Emma and I began making out but during that whole time my eyes were looking at Niccolo who I saw was doing the same thing as me but looking directly at me. The party stopped however when Silvia’s parents called saying they were on their way home and we rushed to clean everything up with Niccolo and I take out the trash. We began talking once again, joking about his girlfriend before I noticed his pinky finger touching mine and once again my attraction to him came back. We both lean in to kiss only to stop when everyone got out of the house and started running.”

Martino took a deep breath for this part of the story as it would expose another lie he said to cover up the fact he missed Luca’s party but continued anyway.  
“The week after that I had gotten into a fight with Sana about her religion and it’s stance about homosexuality, saying some mean things. It was around that time that I and Niccolo had gone to the Halloween party on a double date with our girlfriends. But things changed when the girls left and Niccolo had proposed we should just leave and go wherever we want. And during the bike ride with I can remember the feeling of just being me, being myself in a very, very long time”. The sensation he had during the whole ride was liberating and he felt freer than before. “We stopped at a local pool hall which we broke into that Niccolo used to go to at night and had decided to do an underwater breathing competition. The first time there he tried to make me lose by grabbing me when all of a sudden he kissed me”. Martino had put his fingertips on his lips remembering the taste of it all. Was it all just a game to him? “When we surfaced I was expecting a response from him only to find him gloating about his victory before I challenged him again. This time however I kissed him and could feel him kissing back before going back up for air. When we got up we continued kissing and I remember feeling ecstatic thinking ‘I finally found someone who felt the same about me’ before being interrupted by a night guard and we fled back to his house.”

Martino paused as he thought about everything that happens and anger began to surface as thought about Niccolo kissing his girlfriend at the party. He also remembered how he missed one of his best friends birthday for him just to be played.   
“We spent the next day on his bed kissing, cuddling, talking, laughing and all that just spending time with each other. Eventually, he had to leave to meet his parents and I soon left his home. I next saw him on Tuesday during P.E when I asked the coach if I could use the bathroom as he was waiting for me there. He told me that he told his girlfriend about me and that they were on break. I felt responsible for destroying and tried to apologise for it only for him to shut me down telling me he didn’t care, that all he wanted was me. We left the bathroom and I felt so happy like everything was great in the world. And that’s when things started going downhill.” Martino let out a shaky breath as he began to recount the last 48 hours.

“I had contacted Filippo for advice and we met at an abandoned park while he took some pictures of it and asked for his advice. But then my fear of being called gay led me to same insulting things to gays and to Filippo himself.” He closed his eyes and had his hands rest on his head as he thought back to it all. The shame was the worst part of it all that he couldn’t admit the truth by saying those two words which were the truth. “After he left because of my insults I had gotten a text from Niccolo saying that things were going too fast and that he needed time and I just sat there with a dumbfounded feeling wondering what was going on.” He took another breath as he started recalling the events of last night.

“Then last night happened. When we got there you guys were so interested in going while all I could think of was my relationship with Niccolo and what he was doing. I soon realise that when you guys were talking to the bouncer I perchance saw him inside and resolved myself to talk to him to find out what happened. What I saw instead after going in was him and he supposes ex-girlfriend making out right in front of me”. He let out a pitiful chuckle as he thought back to it. His eyes began to swell up. “There I was looking at the boy I like and fell in love with making out with his girlfriend as if I was nothing more than an experiment. I felt humiliated, embarrassed, and a complete idiot thinking that who would ever love me like that. To make matters worse Emma choose right then to confront me about using her saying that I was gay but I couldn’t process any of it so I just ran outside. And you all know what happened then” he let out a shaky breath finally reliving his entire story.

“And that’s it. That’s my story”.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is it for Mati’s POV. First things first I tried to describe what Martino would feel when he begins to notice his attraction to guys and put that in without him saying the words “I’m gay”. This was done to link his character to the show because at the time he was stil scared being gay but the boys understood. His confession about his attraction to Gio was a focal point in all the series and I was pleased that France had Lucas tell the truth. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter and continue on to read the next one.


	4. Reactions and hugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Martino recounts his story Gio, Elia and Luca react to his story realising how much their friend kept to himself. And in a moment of fear a simple act gives Martino comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This here is the second part. Hope you all enjoy.

“It all started a few years ago...”. Gio was confused. How does what happened last night connect to what started a few years ago. He looked at Elia and Luca who also had the same confused expression as Mart continued his story. When Marti made the comment about being different in regards being attracted to the opposite sex Gio realised that what he thought about during his meeting with the girls was becoming more accurate but he didn’t say anything.

However, when Mart started talking about noticing boys Gio knew what-what he was trying to say and felt ashamed for not seeing it sooner. His heart continued to break as Marti began listing excuses to cover up his attraction to boys and wondered if Mart ever thought that there was something wrong with him. He looked at both Elia and Luca and could see understanding on their faces as well and sadness for their friend who suffered silently while they remain blissfully unaware.

However the atmosphere in the room changed when Marti started talking about Gio dating Laura and Eva and how he started to feel jealous. Gio’s eyes slowly widen as he began to understand what Marti was saying but listen as he continued ending with “I wished that he would look at me the same way”. Gio sat there with a dumbfounded as he looked at Martino who looked as though he was having a nervous breakdown. He could feel Luca’s and Elia’s eyes on him filled with shock as well as they processed this one undeniable fact. Martino had feelings for Gio. Things started making sense for Gio when it came to Marti like sleeping on the floor when he stayed at his place or stiffened when they hugged. How long did Marti suffer while I remained unaware? He thought and his heart continued to break for his friend. But horrified the most was when Marti said he had done things he was ashamed of and Gio could only wonder what he did that could warrant such self hate on him.

As Marti started talking about keeping his distance from Gio in the hopes that his feelings would fade away, Gio knew it was a pointless considering his own feelings for Eva. As Marti continued by saying that he tried to repress them, Gio knew that it was more difficult to do than say. He had tried to repress his feelings for Eva after their breakup and even now those feelings would emerge once in a while. This would lead him to talk with Martino to sort it out only now he realises that Martino suffered the same thing with the only difference being he couldn’t talk to Gio about it.

Marti then began taking about Fede’s birthday party and what he says matched what Sana said in the afternoon when they met for lunch with the rest of the girls. But things change when he started talking about the meeting they had and how he met him, Niccolo Fares. So he’s the one responsible for all this Gio thought even though he didn’t know what part he played in making his best friend’s life miserable and continued to listen. When Marti described his attraction to Niccolo and it being more stronger then his feelings for Gio, Gio realised that this was more than a crush for Martino. He was falling in love, possibly for the first time ever. Gio couldn’t help but smile when he talked about how he tried to search for him on social media but couldn’t find anything but instead found a video of him playing the piano. It was natural that anyone with a crush would like to know more about them so they match interests and other things but with Niccolo, things were a complete blank. He remembered the drinks at Luca and was shocked that Marti ended up in what was called ‘Gay Street’ but thankful that Eleonora’s brother found him and helped him out.

Marti then jumped today the ey were supposed to meet for the party with Emma and her friends only he revealed that he was spending the entire time with Niccolo. Martin described it as a ‘golden opportunity’ learn more about him and to see if they were a match and once again Gio feel terrible of the way he reacted towards it all. He looked at Elia and could see that he too was feeling terrible about everything as well. It was then he learned that Niccolo had a girlfriend and felt a pang of pain when Marti told them how he deserved their punishment for lying to them and how he resolved to date Emma even though he wasn’t interested in her.

When he started talking about doing a sexuality test which stated he was heterosexual Gio couldn’t help but scoff at it. Since when does a website know a person’s sexuality and as Marti told them he started to pretend to be a normal boy Gio couldn’t help but remember the volleyball game. It all made sense then with Marti’s comment about the coach: He was trying to be ‘normal’. At the time he knew that something was definitely wrong with Marti but it never occurred to him that he was trying to act ‘normal’ and all Gio wanted to do was say he was normal. Of course, Marti then went on how Niccolo appeared and exposed his lies with the earbuds and Gio looked at both Elia and Luca who already knew that Marti lied to them, they just have a better understanding of what went down.

Marti continued to the karaoke party at Silvia and listened with great interested in as he started talking about how Niccolo arrived with his girlfriend and them hanging out. The boys didn’t want to comment on the awkwardness of it all, that Marti was a party with a girl he wasn’t interested and hanging out with a guy he had a major crush on. But what caught their interest was when Marti was talking about kissing Emma he had looked at Niccolo who was doing the same thing as him. Maybe Niccolo likes him Gio had thought but then remembered the events of last night and wondered what happened between them. This theory that Niccolo was into Marti becomes more concrete when they heard how they started talking during the whole cover-up of the party and how they both leaned in to kiss one another before being interrupted.

The next part Marti talked about was again something they knew about from Sana about how he had gotten into a fight with her about religion and homosexuality. It was also the week they planned for Luca’s birthday they knew that Marti had lied again about what happened. It was becoming a norm, whenever an event surrounding Niccolo occurred he would lie and say it was because of his parents. He continued talking about the disastrous double date at the Halloween party and how when the girls left Niccolo took Marti out for a bike ride. When Marti began describing his feelings of being free to be himself Gio felt a mix of emotions of guilt and shame in not noticing his friend pretending to be normal for a long time and putting on a mask to hide the truth. Marti why couldn’t you tell me the truth? I wouldn’t have judged you he thought but remembered that fear makes people do things out of character. Gio couldn’t help but smile when Marti told them they had broken into a pool hall and smiled at the smile on Marti’s face as he relieved their first kiss underwater.

Gio knew the excuse Marti gave when he missed Luca’s birthday party was a lie as he had received a phone call from Marti’s mother about and told Marti to give him a heads up. He looked at Luca ready to gauge his response to Marti’s lies because it wasn’t an easy thing to admit that you ditch your friend’s birthday just to be with some guy. As he listened he soon realised that what Martino felt during that time was a feeling Gio knew all too well. It was a state of mind that made a person be with the person they love most losing all track of time and appointments with those around them. Gio had been through it with Laura and Eva and remembered missing hanging out with Martino when he promised he would. It was just terrible timing that Martino’s first love state came around the same time as Luca’s birthday party and this being a first for Marti meant it was stronger than any other that would come after. It also serves as confirmation to the fact that Marti didn’t just like Niccolo. He fell in love with him. Then Marti talked about PE and he remembered how Marti left to go to the bathroom before returning with a smile on his face as he came back. He looked so happy then. Where did it all go wrong?

Turns out the answer came sooner than expected as Marti revealed that he contacted Filippo for advice on the matter. Gio had mixed emotions about this as one hand he understood why he would contact him for advice since they were both gay and in the other jealousy that he wouldn’t confine in Gio about it as he would have helped him. However, even Gio knew Marti had the habit of letting fear change him and wasn’t exactly surprised when Marti stated he said insulting things to Filippo and to gays in general. However, he was angry at Niccolo who had sent a text to Marti saying he needed time and wondered what happened.

Then Marti started talking about the fated night last night and everything was coming to a head. He remembered how depressed Marti looked at the time and now realising it had to do with Niccolo’s text cursed himself for his obliviousness. At the time going to the party was a means to distract Marti from whatever issue he was facing so he could enjoy himself and have some fun. To say that didn’t work would be an understatement because it didn’t just work, it backfired on them completely and now they were learning why. Gio remembered how Marti wasn’t interested in getting inside until all o a sudden this determination appeared out of thin air. Only now he learned it was because of Niccolo who Marti saw was there and wanting answers allowed him to get inside.

The boys leaned forward because whatever happened inside was the cause of his blow up and fight among them. They were angered when they learned that Martino had seen Niccolo with his girlfriend kissing one another as nothing happened and this anger increased when Marti began explaining the emotions he felt. Gio couldn’t help but sympathise with his friend and thought back to when Eva kissed Canegallo and couldn’t decide which was worse: seeing someone you love kiss someone else or hearing about it. When Marti made the offshoot comment about being an idiot thinking anyone could love him like that Gio wanted to argue otherwise but kept his mouth shut to listen to what else happened as Marti hadn’t finished yet.

The world seemed against Marti as not only he had witnessed his first love kiss his supposed ex-girlfriend but Emma had confronted him at what could be described as the world’s worst possible time. They knew Marti was already deeply hurt about Niccolo and they also knew fear made him irrational and this explained his behaviour after he left and went outside. All these emotions he was feeling made him into a bomb that was waiting to go off at the press of a button. And unfortunately, Elia was the one who pressed it when he made the offshoot comment about his parents. Gio also understood that when Marti was saying all those things about Eva who was at the party he was in a reality talking about himself and what he was feeling. Ignorance was bliss they say and unfortunately for them, their bliss made Marti’s suffering worse than it should be.

“And that’s it. That’s my story”. Marti said as he finished off his long story about everything. All the pieces had fallen in place and everything made sense. Marti was gay and had feelings for Gio before he met Niccolo who he thought felt the same way only to be betrayed by him. They all sat there absorbing Marti’s story while Marti was looking at his hands shaking in fear. Gio looked at the boy in front of him and remembered everything about him from when they met as kids to now. He remembered how they said they would stand by each other no matter what and face everything together. _No reason to stop now._

He stood up and this caught the attention of Elia and Luca who looked at him while Martino had stiffened afraid of what Gio was going to do. Gio approached Marti as he was still on his seat and didn’t look up at him when Gio stood in front of him, towering him. Gio then grabbed both his arms, pulling him up before embracing him with a tight hug. It was clear for Gio that Marti was expecting this as his arms were still on his sides before they too close on Gio’s back returning the hug. Marti had buried his face on Gio’s shoulder and he could hear him trying to keep the sobbing down. Before he could tell Martino anything he felt another set of arms surround him and saw that Luca had gotten up and begun hugging them both. Elia joined in immediately and Gio knew that they were trying to comfort Mart who was on the verge of breaking down.

Gio always remembered the saying ‘men don’t cry’. Well, bullshit to that crying allows us to heal and he knew Marti was being emotional and as trying to pretend to be normal again. Gio wasn’t going to make the same mistake as he whispered into Marti’s ears.  
“It’s alright. Let it go” Marti understood as his mask began to fall and with it, his cries heard for them to hear. All the while they embraced their friend, their brother in their arms.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Martino isn’t an emotional person but you have to remember for Martino it hasn’t even been 24 hours since the events of the previous night which means he hasn’t properly felt with his feelings about it and is still raw. And that Gio moment was something I had planned as I always imagine him wanting to protect Marti. 
> 
> Anyway hope you enjoyed and I hope you look forward to the next instalment.


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